Seashells
She looked mad, remembering the seashell given to her by a young missionary that had just came back from a visit to the ocean. "Why did she give me this thing! It didn't cost anything, she just picked it up from the sand!" I was speechless. The intensity of her annoyance really surprised me. Then she showed me a cross-stiched bookmark another young missionary had made and given her. "Look at this! It is so cheap, what kind of present is this for me, her teacher, for Teacher's Day!" I don't remember what I said, but I put the cultural information in my brain-file.
What was that all about?
I understand the young missionary's thoughts. "Oh, I'm at the ocean and I'm thinking about my beloved Thai teacher. Here's a shell, I think I'll pick it up and bring it to her to show I was thinking about her."
Then the bookmark, "I'm really stretched for money right now but I know I need to get something for my teacher to show her I appreciate her. I know! I can cross-stitch a bookmark. I know the Thais like cross-stitch, and if I do it myself she will know I felt she was valuable enough to do it myself, not just buy something."
For another Westerner, the thoughts would be understood and appreciated. "How lovely my friend thought of me even though she was away from me." or "She made this for me herself, to show me she values me."
For the Thai teacher, free or cheap gifts convey that the giver feels she is low in value. That day she complained to me about all the cheap gifts her missionary students give her. She wants big gifts, expensive gifts, gifts that really show how much they love her. Yet, for the westerner, there is no obligation to give any gifts at all, really. Even a card is an extra bonus, after all doesn't their money pay her salary? Who is she to feel she ought to get big gifts?
This is one of those cultural things where everyone means well but nothing goes very well. On teacher's day I made sure I bought her something big and flashy, and not made by me. I bet she shows it to all her new students and says, "THIS is a good Teacher's Day present!"
What was that all about?
I understand the young missionary's thoughts. "Oh, I'm at the ocean and I'm thinking about my beloved Thai teacher. Here's a shell, I think I'll pick it up and bring it to her to show I was thinking about her."
Then the bookmark, "I'm really stretched for money right now but I know I need to get something for my teacher to show her I appreciate her. I know! I can cross-stitch a bookmark. I know the Thais like cross-stitch, and if I do it myself she will know I felt she was valuable enough to do it myself, not just buy something."
For another Westerner, the thoughts would be understood and appreciated. "How lovely my friend thought of me even though she was away from me." or "She made this for me herself, to show me she values me."
For the Thai teacher, free or cheap gifts convey that the giver feels she is low in value. That day she complained to me about all the cheap gifts her missionary students give her. She wants big gifts, expensive gifts, gifts that really show how much they love her. Yet, for the westerner, there is no obligation to give any gifts at all, really. Even a card is an extra bonus, after all doesn't their money pay her salary? Who is she to feel she ought to get big gifts?
This is one of those cultural things where everyone means well but nothing goes very well. On teacher's day I made sure I bought her something big and flashy, and not made by me. I bet she shows it to all her new students and says, "THIS is a good Teacher's Day present!"
Comments
In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials,that the genuineness of your faith, [being] much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ,whom having not seen [fn] you love. Though now you do not see [Him], yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory,receiving the end of your faith--the salvation of [your] souls. 1 Peter 1:6-9.
Sorry it took so long to put two & two together, Windy. I love & miss you <3