Feeling Numb
Tonight driving home the driving beat of Switchfoot and Creed soothed the pain I felt and was like some kind of therapy for the numbness I was experiencing. The visits with Rosie have been very difficult and it is hard for me not to simply "shut down."
The sky turned into a brilliant collection of fiery sunset colors as we drove, then dimmed to dull smokey oranges and charcoals, the clouds collected in towering swatches across the sky, dully lit and torn in places. The leafless winter trees were grotesque lacy black cutouts in a bizarre landscape. Oncoming cars swept by like dull and dirty stars, and the tension in me eased as the miles unwound themselves on the asphalt.
I know it's probably better to talk through one's emotions, but I haven't been good at that lately. I feel too numb, I don't want to talk about what I'm feeling or thinking.
But I love these long drives where I don't have to say a word, and these long runs where I can be silent and only listen, and only watch.
Today I watched my best friend, who is also battling cancer for her life, look at me with tears in her beautiful eyes and say, "I want to live longer."
Oh God, please intervene.
The sky turned into a brilliant collection of fiery sunset colors as we drove, then dimmed to dull smokey oranges and charcoals, the clouds collected in towering swatches across the sky, dully lit and torn in places. The leafless winter trees were grotesque lacy black cutouts in a bizarre landscape. Oncoming cars swept by like dull and dirty stars, and the tension in me eased as the miles unwound themselves on the asphalt.
I know it's probably better to talk through one's emotions, but I haven't been good at that lately. I feel too numb, I don't want to talk about what I'm feeling or thinking.
But I love these long drives where I don't have to say a word, and these long runs where I can be silent and only listen, and only watch.
Today I watched my best friend, who is also battling cancer for her life, look at me with tears in her beautiful eyes and say, "I want to live longer."
Oh God, please intervene.
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