Ladies Only

A literary work called "Exhortations to Women" (Suphasit Son Ying) by Sunthon Phu, a famous Thai poet who was designated by the UNESCO a Classic Poet of the World in 1986, describes the duties of a good wife:

A wife should show her respect to her husband every day. When the sun sets, she will not go anywhere but prepare the bed for her husband. When the husband goes to bed, she krap him at his feet (by raising the hands pressed together at her chest and prostrating herself at the husband's feet as a Thai way to show her high respect). In the morning, she wakes up before him to cook food and prepare all things for him. When he has breakfast, she sits beside him to see whether he wants anything that she can bring to him. A good wife will not eat before her husband.  http://www.thaiwaysmagazine.com/thai_article/1911_thai_women_status/thai_women_status.html

For Western women, it is a little shocking to understand the history of Thailand concerning women.  As the above article reads online, “it has been a long journey in Thai history before Thai women's status came to the present condition.”  Western influences, starting with King Rama VI (1910-1925) who went to study in England in 1893, have been the most important factor in the change of status of women in Thailand.

I believe the whole country of Thailand reverberated with shock and awe when Yingluck Shinawatra was elected in 2011 as the first woman prime minister of Thailand.  For a Thai woman today, anything is possible. 

Yet Thai women, even the most powerful ones, understand that even with their new social position, there are cultural practices and decorum that ought to be followed for the sake of Thai men’s feelings and “face.” 

It is important that we Western women at least attempt not to trample the egos of the Thai men around us.  Our cultural norms for women make this a bit difficult, but perhaps awareness will keep us from our biggest gaffes. 

Here are a few things to avoid:

Open contradiction of an older Thai man’s expressed opinion.  Older means older than you.  In a small group, large group, or even in a business meeting. 

Touching a man as a sign of affection or in jest, especially a man who is older than you.  You may be signaling interest, or conversely, contempt.

Aggressive kinds of postures, facial expressions, and movements. 

Talking in a loud, confident manner.  Bossiness in any form is a no-no.  Taking charge in a meeting, even if the men seem slow to get the meeting going.  Let the men lead, even if they seem hesitant or unorganized. 

Allowing your boredom to express itself in body language (slumping, leaning back in your chair, droopy, glazed-over facial expressions,) conveys lack of respect in more formal social situations. 

Think gentle, graceful, gracious, feminine.  As western women this may make our hackles rise, and perhaps this is why it is so difficult for us to adapt in this area.  However, it is appreciated and appropriate here in Thailand.  Today there are many women pushing the social limits and the overall confidence level has soared in the past 10 years, but it is still valuable to understand what is appropriate for polite society.

Finally, you may notice that older Thai women act differently than younger women, more bossy, more “take charge,” not anything like what I have just described.  Like many countries, older women here seem to be in a different category.  These ladies in their 50’s or older understand exactly what they are able to do that is still culturally appropriate, and when to show deference at the right moments. 

I think, like many cultural practices that we try to adapt to here, just trying to be sensitive will go a long way to communicate our appreciation and respect for our host country.