Missionary Shoes

Strange things transpire when we step into the shoes of a missionary. We are fitted into this institution called missions as vocation, and in that moment we receive a new identity. This identity has many friends and enemies, and it is much bigger than ourselves, but all of a sudden we are representatives of it, and are identified with it.

The implications of this upon our personal lives are far-reaching, and I do not think that we understand all that will ensue when we slip those shoes on. For one, the expectations are enormous, you could say the shoes are mammoth and we will never, ever fill them. We will never feel adequate or “enough”-who can be the Apostle Paul? Or Hudson Taylor? Or Adoniram Judson?

Our relationships will change. We are entering into lives that are so unusual and weird that no one except another missionary will really understand, and even they won’t understand completely because they are from a different background. It becomes more difficult to share our lives with friends back in our home countries since they have little concept of where we live and how we live and so it is a real effort to understand what we are talking about. We don’t see them very often, either, and after years of being away, it can be quite difficult to hold on to that special closeness we once shared.

Building relationships with national friends is a beautiful thing, but we still need friendships with those who share our culture and heart language. Yet the pool of same-country-of-origin friends to choose from is often limited. Although unlikely friendships do occur, we always long for that friend whom with little effort understands us well and with whom we can easily share our lives. 

Our lives are so unusual that finding those special friends can feel almost impossible.

Trying to make new friends as a missionary back in one’s home country is also a challenge. We are an anomaly now, not just a normal person. Now, when people meet us, they do not simply meet us, but they also call to mind all they know about missionaries and missions and transpose those experiences, images, feelings onto us. This is only natural, not good or bad, simply how we work as human beings. We long to be seen as just ourselves, but we are no longer simply just “ourselves,” we are joined to missions and all of its associations to the person we hope to be friends with. You could say they see our shoes before they see us, they are so huge and glaring that they can’t help but notice them. 

“Just try to ignore my shoes.”