My Beloved Friend, Wendi

Wendi became my best friend my senior year in high school. She was a radiant new Christian, a peacemaker, someone who laughed at everyone's jokes, no matter how corny. She had a beautiful smile and a tender heart for everyone, no matter where they were on the social ladder. She was on the student leadership council and was the youngest in our class because she had skipped a grade- she was smart, too. In many ways we were opposites. I was more the angry sullen teenager in black, still in shock that I, too, had become a Christian. For reasons I still puzzle over, we hit it off. We hung out together, spent weekends together, went to Senior Prom together, did airband, went to reggae dances. We became best friends that year, 1986. After high school we were roommates in Long Beach for a few months before I went off to the army. We began to write long letters, the kind you write with a pen and send in an envelope with a stamp. The years flew by. Wendi was my maid-of-honor when I married Kennedy in 1991. Wendi has had a profound impact on my life these past 25 years. Her faith remained radiant, and her laugh loud, her smile beautiful, and her tender heart touching all those around her in a deep and meaningful way. Two years ago Wendi was diagnosed with cancer, in her lungs and liver. The prognosis was not good, a time of about 2 years was given. That was June of 2009. At first the chemotherapy was causing severe side effects. She became emaciated, had to be hospitalized for dehydration and inability to take in sufficient nutrients. After a while, the doctors seemed to understand what medications at what dosages would work for her, and the side effects lessened. She began to gain weight and feel strong again. We, those hundreds of people who love her so much, began to feel incredible hope and a lessening of the constricting grief we were feeling watching her suffer during the early months of her initial diagnosis. I saw her last summer, 2010, and she looked so good again. Her cancer count was down, her hair was growing back in again, she had gained weight and energy, she was doing well. In these past months, gradual changes took place. The cancer count was going up again. She was feeling more tired. Then the cancer was spreading again, and she began to feel constantly exhausted, and easily winded. This past week she has been in Southern California exploring possibilites of new cancer treatments, called medical trials, for people whose current treatment is not enough. In the end, it was decided that this would not be the best option for her. My beloved friend. I always imagined us getting old together, living again in Grass Valley, walking in St. Joseph's garden again, going to our favorite restaurants, laughing together, even being roommates together again as old, old ladies. Some griefs feel too deep and bitter to share easily, this has been mine and I share it with you now because Wendi is running out of time and I think I am going to need prayer and help to get through this. Wendi wanted a husband, children. She lived her life above reproach, never compromising her faith. Her beautiful life has taught me, challenged me, melted my stony heart, helped me to see the love of Christ and the beauty of a life lived for Him. Such an amazing life, such an amazing friend. I want to see her again, and I need to go soon. I am going to be looking at flights in the beginning of June. Kennedy and the kids will stay in Thailand. I am thankful for his gracious love and support in allowing me to go back to see her. My parents agree that I should go and they will help, too. Thank you for caring, dear friends.