Life Lessons
A Few Things I've Learned Through The Years
1. Being a language learner is an excellent ministry tool.
Thais love to help you learn their language. If you tell them you want to teach them something they may respond negatively, and you may not be able to teach your subject very well even if they consent to be taught. Asking them to help you learn a subject in Thai will make the experience pleasant for them, and help you get better in the language. I have a book that Thais have helped me with over and over again, the Creation to Christ Firm Foundations book.
2. Language will take you deeper into people’s lives.
Never be satisfied with your current level of language. I remember sitting at a creek listening to a teenager pour her heart out to me and I really couldn’t understand her. How could I possibly speak to her heart if I wasn’t sure what she was trying to communicate to me? The better I am at language the more Thais open their hearts to me and the more I know what to say to help them.
3. Recognize that you have made mistakes and you are not done making mistakes.
There will be big mistakes, little mistakes and seasons of discouragement. It doesn’t mean God is done using me, even when I feel done. Press on until the day that you are sure God is calling you somewhere else. Mistakes are embarrassing; they deflate your ego and make you feel like a loser. Bigger mistakes have a negative impact on the lives of people around you, including your family, and sometimes the lives of the Thai people, for whom you are supposed to be serving. Do not excuse your mistakes, but realize they do not mean you are finished with the work God has for you here. You are not here because you are perfect, you are here because you are responding to a call the Lord has on your life, and He has work for you to do. The mistake I made was not part of His work, and if I make a really big mistake I may just have to leave, but mistakes will be a part of my life experience here. Learn as much as I can from them, and try not to make the same stupid mistake again later.
4. Evaluation is important.
Careful and honest evaluation is painful. There are a myriad of things, if not a multitude, that we make excuses for, justify, if you will. There is tremendous pressure to be a super-person as a missionary, from many different directions. Because we are human we are unable to live up to our supporters, church's, co-workers, Thais, and most of all, our own, expectations of ourselves. It is important to understand who we are and what we are doing before God. I think because of the intense pressure to be exceptional and to do exceptional things, we become a little self-delusional. Live in reality.
5. Don't fool yourself, sometimes you are not doing alright.
Sometimes we are just coping, surviving, but not doing well. It shames us sometimes that we are not stronger people. Sometimes I ask myself what's wrong with me when it is obvious what's wrong to me and everyone else, but I can't stand the fact that I am not doing well. If you know you need help and don't get it, things will not get better. It might be difficult to admit I might need counseling, or that my kid needs extra help, or that I am not coping well with my present situation. These things make us feel like failures, or like we are indeed just normal human beings. Getting help is the right thing to do, because these are often the beginning pangs of a situation that will deteriorate on you and turn into something untenable.
6. Being willing to do things I don’t want to do.
Sometimes I am not particularly happy about the things God seems to be asking me to do. When I do them anyway I see how He uses and blesses them hugely. Some example for me would be homeschooling, baking and cooking a lot, being a follower instead of a leader, learning to keep my mouth shut.
7. Let your children be themselves.
Children are little people who will someday be big people, filled with their own ideas and living their own lives. What is happening now in their formative years is so deep we cannot see it or fathom it. We may think we understand our children, because we understand the words they speak and we see them constantly. What we forget is that much of what goes on in a human being is deeper than words and daily actions. And a child's behavior in front of their parents is not always an accurate representation of how they will behave in different social settings. It is certainly not an accurate representation of how they will behave as an adult, which is not too many years away. We may never know our children if we do not give them the freedom to be themselves and feel safe sharing their troubled and perhaps darker thoughts with us without feeling fear that we will not accept them. When they begin to have troubled thoughts, you must listen, you must take them seriously, or they may not come to you to talk about it again. You can be sure that often the little thought they brought to you is a small taste of something bigger going on in their soul, and they are trying to find out who they can talk to about it, if anyone.
8. Enjoy life as much as you can and don't feel guilty about it.
Good food, laughter, fun and times with the ones we love are gifts from God to be enjoyed and treasured.
9. Sometimes it's okay to leave early.
Sometimes it's okay to go to an event planning to leave as soon as possible. This attitude will help you go to an event that you really, really don't want to go to but feel you should. You may even stay longer than you thought you could stand, praise God.
10. "Do what you gotta do and apologize later."
Quote from Michelle Pierce, fellow missionary. This works especially well dealing with people that have unrealistic expectations of you, or when you find yourself in an impossible and absolutely ridiculous situation.
11. Try to find the humor in a stressful situation.
Laughing helps us cope with very difficult moments; the Thais really have this down. Try to remember what feel so awful and embarrassing right now may make an incredibly funny story later.
12. Every day is a gift, not a guarantee, and everything in our lives can change in a moment.
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